The Sexual Life of Frosting
by JenLea
Summary: After Mark and Roger housesit, Maureen ponders the disappearance of a can of frosting.SLASH MR


The Sexual Life of Frosting

Disclaimer: I own no one.

Pairing: Mark/Roger

Summary: After Mark and Roger housesit, Maureen ponders the disappearance of a can of frosting.

A/N- Evie's birthday fic. Not quite as X-rated as she might of liked, but I hope you like it Chica!

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"Pookie?" Maureen murmured, sticking her head out of the pantry. "I think I'm losing my mind," Shaking her head, she waddled out. "Didn't we buy milk chocolate frosting because of my cravings?"

"Yes, Maureen." Joanne murmured, lightly patting Maureen's swollen belly. "James and Julie must be making you lose your mind. I bought a can specifically for you," Maureen crossed her arms over her ample chest.

"I am NOT losing my mind due to James and Juliet. I'm telling you I can't it!" She moaned. "I wanted it SO badly too!" Joanne grasped Maureen's arm and dragged her into the pantry. "I'm telling you it's not in here," Joanne stooped, pushing cans and jars aside.

"Our frosting didn't grow legs and walk away," Joanne groaned. "You don't think Mark and Roger took it?"

"Why would the two straight boys take a pregnant woman's frosting?" Maureen murmured. She pouted. "One day back and those fuckers eat my frosting." Joanne nodded.

Taking a wire laundry basket, Joanne moved into the guest room. She could only imagine the condition Mark and Roger had left it in, especially after seeing what they did to the loft.

_This is disgusting. _She thought, looking around the room. Plastic bags were thrown everywhere. Dirty boxers seemed to be partially hidden under the bed. Luckily, the wastebasket was clean, and yet, something about that seemed off.

_Condom wrappers… _she thought, jabbing the broom under the bed. _Why the hell do they have condoms wrappers? _Then, she hit it.

It was a small frosting can.

Picking up, she immediately dropped it when she realized it was sticky. Bringing her hand to her nose, she recognized the distinct plastic scent.

It was cheap lubrication.

"Maureen!" she called. "Maureen!" She didn't realize how crazy she sounded, until Maureen showed up, panting as she doubled over.

"Joanne, I am six and a half months pregnant with TWINS also known as TWO babies inside me." She muttered. "You can't scare me like that! Do you WANT to have to play midwife?"

"No, Maureen." She murmured. "The boys did take your frosting but I have a suspicion," Maureen looked at her, her hands planted firmly on her hips.

"What would that be?" she asked. Joanne pointed to the items gathered on the floor. "Condoms, boxers and MY FROSTING!" Joanne nodded slowly. "Those idiots stole my frosting."

"I think they used it as a sex toy," Joanne said. Maureen recoiled. "Smell this," She ran her hand under Maureen's nose. "What is that? I'd hope you know what that it is,"

"It's cheap lubrication," Maureen murmured, grimacing. "I'd recognize that anywhere. Why would the straight boys have cheap lubrication on _my _frosting?" Joanne shrugged. "Unless the straight boys aren't straight,"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Joanne asked. "Are the hormones attacking your brain again?" Maureen growled.

"Explain the use of cheap lubrication," she said. "I'm telling you they're a closeted couple with a penchant to use frosting in the bedroom!" Joanne dropped her head into her hands.

"Maureen, no more pregnancies for you," she said. "I'm going to go wash my hands." She moved out of the room. "Mark and Roger aren't a couple. You're just letting the hormones get to your head,"

Joanne went to wash her hands. Maureen was insane. There was no way the self-named "Straight Boys" were dating. What sense did that make? They were 'The Straight Boys" for a reason.

Maureen, on the other hand, was certain something was up. The guys were different…almost gay-like. What could this all mean? Was there a hidden meaning that she didn't know about?

"Maureen, get that thought out of your head," Joanne called, washing her hands. "The boys aren't a couple,"

Maureen just swore she knew better.

Her suspicions were proven the next day.

"Jo, if that man stared at me any harder, I would have a hole where my 'swollen orb' resides." Maureen grumbled, wrapping her black scarf tightly around her neck. Joanne stopped, and spun around on her heels.

"Where your what is?" She wasn't sure if she had heard Maureen correctly. Maureen sighed.

"My swollen orb. It's some fancy schmancy term for pregnant belly," Maureen murmured. "Still. Didn't he get the idea-dyke and pregnant?"

"Apparently not," Joanne said. "Do you have your key?" To make it easy on the girls, who were frequent visitors, the guys had simply given Maureen her own key.

"Yep." She murmured, pausing to catch her breath. "Can we please buy a car? I'm not going to want to take James and Juliet on the subway. I'd be afraid of them catching something,"

"When the babies come, but only then." She said. Let's go."

Maureen waddled quietly up the three flights of stairs. She just hoped this was good exercise.

Jamming her key in the door, Maureen wondered why it was so quiet. The boys were supposed to be expecting them. Were they home?

"Holy Shit," she muttered, staring at the couch. She flipped around, motioning for Joanne to come forward. "Pookie, I told you so." She pointed to the two men on the couch. "Cheap lube AND frosting!"

"Maureen!" Mark squealed, struggling to cover up. "What the hell don't you knock?" Maureen shook her head.

"Not since you gave me that key!" she exclaimed. "Why are you embarrassed? I've seen you naked before, but never covered in frosting," She carefully examined his body, and then, shivering, realized just why she was a lesbian. "By the way, you're getting the good lube for your birthday."

"Do you mind?" Roger muttered, supporting his weight with his hands. "I'm a little attached right now. Can you step outside for a moment?" Maureen nodded, realizing she could at least grant him a moment's privacy.

"Maureen…" Joanne began. Then, she shook her head. Maureen gestured for her to go on. "How did you know?"

"Pregnant woman's hunch," she declared. "Besides, no self respecting woman uses that cheap shit," She crossed her arms over her chest. "Plastic smelling lube for a woman!"

Mark walked out, wearing heart printed boxers. "Maureen…how did you know?"

"It was the lubricant and your godchildren fine-tuning my instinct," she said. "Cheap lubricant was your downfall,"

"Hmm…" Mark murmured. "I told Roger not to use that stuff from the clinic," Maureen shrugged. "I'm holding you to your offer."

"No problem"

Joanne was exhausted. Two hours on a subway with a pregnant Maureen was difficult. All she wanted was sleep.

"Jo?" Maureen murmured, stepping into the bedroom. Her pink silk robe was wrapped tightly around her. "I was wondering…"

"Yes?"

"Can you taste my shoulder?" she murmured, holding a frosting can. Quietly, she smeared a small amount of the treat on her shoulder. "I think you'll like it," Joanne watched Maureen move across the room slowly.

"You're cute when you blush," Joanne murmured, lowering her mouth to Maureen's shoulder.

Fin


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